I was asked recently why we don't write love songs.
This isn't exactly true. We've certainly touched on the complexities of love. I can't speak for the other guys, but many of the love songs I hear are terribly two-dimensional. If I was ever going to write a song like that, it would have been 20 years ago before, you know . . . life.
Never accept a good guy/bad guy story. Never accept a polarized version of anything. There is always nuance. There is always history. There are no victims, only intricate relationships with the possibility of tremendous wisdom in the end.
I avoid keeping the exclusive company of women. Outside of a marriage, I choose to remain celibate. I've been straight-edge since high-school. It's hardly the end of the story, though, as my relationship with sex is complicated and, in many ways very self-defeating. We'll get to that another time.
But I'll never be accused of sexual harassment. Because I don't touch girls.
Last year I was asked by StoryCorps to record a discussion with a co-worker around my beliefs around touch and how I was able to build those beliefs into my nursing practice. While the whole discussion ran to nearly 40 minutes, this little excerpt will give you some sense of the content:
I'm told the whole interview is archived somewhere in the Library of Congress. That's pretty cool. I'm really pleased to have had my say in how I choose to relate to the opposite sex.
In this post-Weinstein era, the national conversation around gender relations is fascinating. We live in a hyper-rational culture where we seem to believe that we can outthink or otherwise deconstruct the essential natures of men and women. There will be no medical, physical, societal, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, political, or economic revolution that will ever change the fundamental, procreative tension that exists between the sexes.
But we can discipline ourselves. We can exercise restraint. We can and should modify our behavior to fit in with the specific relational context we find ourselves in at any given moment. For me, I draw the line at touch.
Writing for The Federalist, I cannot thank Denise McAllister enough for this masterpiece of good ol' plain sense. Reading this released so much tension that I didn't even realize I was carrying. Men and women must each own their piece of the evolutionary game. In so doing, we position ourselves to work together for the betterment of all. Here's a link to the article:
Can We Be Honest About Women?
What do you think? Am I going too far? Where do you draw the line? Or maybe this isn't about drawing lines at all?
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Just getting a chance to unwind and read this 'til now! Always cool to read.
ReplyDeleteIt is almost on a daily basis lately, to find some type of harassment story in the news these days. I have read some articles with full attention and have skimmed through others.
Most - not all - of the celebrity stories are hard to gulp. I feel dismayed admitting this, but I have found it hard to feel sympathy for some - which altogether makes me want to just disregard the subject and shove it to the back of my mind. Forget to hashtag METOO altogether. I dislike that it’s a trend. It’s a painful word reminder of what shouldn’t be. It is not at all overpowering or healing in any way. It’s just an ugly grayness that clouds the mind.
It is the seductiveness, the femme fatale role-playing acts portrayed through some of the actresses’ work and/or social media - by some of these denouncing actresses, either personally or professionally, that makes me feel this way.
I must admit the article is quite on point. Sadly, we are quite superficial. The article focuses on an egocentric angle on part of our behavior; however really, it may all boil down to our primal needs and wants. Our subconscious methods of male/female mate attraction and natural selection.
This topic is much more complex though. There are so many factors and nuances added in to the mix for this phenomenon, not new at all, simply on the spotlight at the moment. So many intricacies and personal histories, as you have stated Ahmed.
We are a result of our environment in many ways that we can’t even define or even realize perhaps. I believe, as many studies have shown, that our mind frames are constructed at an early age, our personalities, frames of reference, paradigms, faith, etc.
There IS indeed room for awareness, change/transition, and lastly, discipline.
For some too late maybe, but for our future generations, I believe the solution starts with our own children. Are we loving our children enough? If so, and hug them plenty and kiss them plenty, are we letting them know there are boundaries?
It’s time, to become aware and remediate, for our young ones and future generations.